how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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