my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
