So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
