i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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