I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
