What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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