Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is wine microwaveable?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
