Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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