You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i can't believe i had my finger in that
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
