Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
This house was built for laser tag.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
