We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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