im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
