How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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