guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
