New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
