are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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