4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
