so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
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I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
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According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.