goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
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I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
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Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...