I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!