i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"