you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
