Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
