so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
even my farts smell like vagina
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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