Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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