just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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