Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
