your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
