Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
