Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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