South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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