If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
