I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
