allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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