I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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