I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
