I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
