My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
