Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Plan B is the new Plan A
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
