I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
