Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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