Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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