see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize