If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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