trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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