got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
