I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
