Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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