....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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