Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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