So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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