she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
