direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
