Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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