I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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