honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize