Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
