Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
