Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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