I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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