The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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