Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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